I fall somewhere between normal, well-adjusted adult and a raging germaphobe. I don’t wash my hands a hundred times a day and I don’t avoid all human contact, but I tend to view the world a bit differently than some of my friends and colleagues. For an example of what I mean, check out this post from last year about the giant teddy bears in many Korean businesses.
For over a year now, teddy bears topped my list of nasty things that people like to touch. Recently, the bears were knocked out of the top spot.
Sure they look cute and say funny things…but don’t be fooled! They are walking, talking biohazards. They all pick their noses like they’re training for the booger-hunting Olympics. If their fingers aren’t in their noses, they’re in their mouths. If not in their mouths, then their friends’ mouths.
I have heard about terrorist plots to poison entire cities by contaminating the water supply. If the terrorists were smart, they would infect just one kid and send him or her to school. Within an hour everybody in the building will be contaminated!
The reason these guys are worse than the teddy bears is the fact that I can avoid teddy bears. Teddy bears don’t chase me down the hallway. They don’t grab my hands or feel the hair on my arms as I walk by. Teddy bears don’t sneak up behind me at lunch and rub a booger-stained hand through my clean beard.
I know that there’s no avoiding the germs here. I wash my hands regularly and carry a bottle of sanitizer in my pocket, but that only goes so far. So I’m trying very hard to look on the bright side. I think it’s safe to assume that my immune system is getting back into shape really fast. There’s no telling how many horrible diseases I’ve managed to fight off in the past six weeks.
Those of you who are thinking of sending me a care package this year, remember to include hand-sanitizer. If you have the extra cash to spare, throw in a Level-3 bio-hazard suit!
Until next time.